...I feel so...unmotivated...
So many things have been happening,
Uni...as always: busy busy...never look forward to it, especially now ALL my subjects require me to be involved in group work...that means: more time outside class to meet up and work together...arrr fuck man...
Plus there alot of reading...so i actually have to read all bunch of stuff this time...and actually read them, not just look at the headings and the caption under pictures...zzz
Since its 2nd year, so the classes are more concentrated to Enviro and Planning students, last year they were more social science course mix. I feel so weird, unlike Soc Sci, these guys are...snobby? well at least when theyre talking to you they tend to not to try. Anyway, this year uni gonna be sucked.
TKD:
Well, now I know why being president of a club isnt all that easy...ok I've figured out how to send money to my friend in Indo in regards of the shirts, so thats all good. I just gotta try get both hoodie and shirt done before Joyce leaves, so she can keep them as, souvenir i guess?
We have to appeal to this fine from Sport and rec because we didnt attend a festival at Bundoora...I swear, and i think none of us know about this fine, if we do,we would have arranged some people to go. I could have gone because i had the day off, but because it such a short notice when we were told the night before about the fine, things went out of our hands really. So I heard Joyce was volunteering to go, so I asked her if she wants to go with me to Bundoora, but she said she has appointment at1pm, making it impossible for us to be at Bundoora before hand at the scheduled time of 12 - 2, said she'll let me know in the morning. She also said she might be able to drive us there, so i thought well thats settled then, but in the morning she said she couldnt push the appointment at later time and said its much more important so no date for us.
Well i did hope for us to go so we could get to know each other more, but it was never meant to be. So then Quang was like pretty much blaming us for not going, and since he's planning to buy EBPs, he'd blame us for getting the fine and losing our budget to buy those equipments. Now we have to come up with excuses to appeal the 10% fine...i cbf already.
Hana and Frank broke up, Frank kicked hana out of his house, hana is depressed and we decided not to have further involvement with those two. We cant pick sides really, they both our friends, Hana wants to quit TKD because she doesnt want to see Frank. Speaking of quitting Shin also decides to go to Monash tkd instead because our club sucks. We havent seen the likes of Duy, Andrew, Chris mono and co and few others. Fun is no more.
On the other hand, our club now have high influx of noobs, which is fun fun. But since our room is pretty small, we;re kinda gotten abit overcrowded, so i tend to come only tuesdays these days, due to assignmenst aswell actually. Then apparently Quang opened up a club at LaTrobe uni, and asked us to do another demo there. First thing i thought: Why the fuck would he open up another club when he cant even manage the current one? and Why the fuck would we do demo for other uni? we'll be fighting them at competitions!!!! FUCK! out of the questions!! Then there's the interversity comp, most likely at bundoora gym...cbf too far now.
So i'm feeling unomotivated, at the moment i still drag myself into doing uni work, when 'you-know-who' leaves, i can see myself having no soul, just empty, no point doing this and that, no point in that and this, no point about this and that. pretty going with the flow really. Maybe at the moment, i already am? I cbf making the trips to the city and back already, i might aswell ditch sunday spar training, but i cant because i got the keys, yay fun, i might ditch still by sleeping while everyone else train.
Ah well, speaking of sleeping, i feel like going to bed now.
until then
zzz
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Surrender
hmm, relationship is like a radio communication, either with friends, families, lovers or anything, if you want to get along, you have to communicate, talk in the same frequency, if not, they cant understand you.
Is God real, is religion a waste of time?
I'd like to say, God is real, but how do we know?
How can we believe something we can't see?
I thought of that too my friends.
My friend, once lectured me about faith and Islam in which i was struck by lightning with nearly every sentence he said,
"You can't see God with eyes full of sin, who are you who has no faith in God, is able to see God? You cant go and find something, when you are actually growing apart from it, instead, grow closer, pray and ask for guidance."
Is God real? the evidence is right infront of your eyes, think about it this way, you have a program in your computer, called a software. Softwares dont exist just like that, people make those softwares and they work accordingly to what theyre suppose to. This software is like our planet.
Something has a creator, right now human can make things because we have the knowledge, science and scientists, labs, research. Human can biologically create other living things, but hey, like cooking, where do you get the ingredients from? they dont just show in your fridge and cupboard.
the Qur'an (Koran) reveals everything, it's got all the evidence, the literature explains about big bang theory, even up to the conflict in Gaza.
Muhammad is the last prophet, because he was succesful in (continuing) development of Islam, prior to that the other prophets some have failed. Like i think it was Moses who ended up developing Judaism etc etc.
God is fair, if you think you're having a shit time, you'd then pray, you dont pray for better, you thank God for what you've been given. Because God will soon give you a better luck, its the x factor in my opinion. On the other hand, when there's up there's down, when you have everything, you have everything to lose.
You can just put your hands up and beg to God for stuff, that's just not gonna happen, without your own effort, you wont get anything. God will, (insya Allah) give you strength to continue in what you're trying to achieve. Remember to always thank God for whatever at the end of the day. Because God is everywhere with the Angels on your shoulder, writing down all your deeds, bad and good.
I, personally now pray everyday, just before I leave to Uni - for my safety on the way there, for my mind and inner strength in classes and lectures, for my way back home and before, during and after reviewing day;s work. I thank God at the end of the day, everytime when i lay down on my bed just before i go to sleep.
Socially, it hurts me, especially in a non Muslim dominant country Australia. Even if only a few, it still hurts me when Islam is portrayed in a negative way. Will's article about religion dont kill people, touches my heart...there's so many positive things about religion, but how come only the negatives that's being portrayed...?
There are people who misused, using the name of religion to do harmful stuff, in Islam we do not encourage negative things. the 5 pillars of islam:
I dont see any killings and violence in those pillars...I see them as disciplines, socially, Muslim may not have good image at the moment, but never...ever...bring religion and faith into any other topic.
I learnt, in my social study last year (modern australian society) we had a few muslims in my class, and we were asked the question: 'if you;re a female muslim, dress in a muslim dressing code and were stopped by a cop and you got an unfair treatment because the officer discriminate you, how would you feel?'
The initial thought I had was, 'why the f*** would the officer, screw it, ANYONE in general would bring religion in the first f***ing place? Religion and faith is a business between YOU AND YOUR GOD it does not concern any one else!!!'
well obviously i cant say that bluntly, so i just said, why would you be afraid, you;ve done nothing wrong in choosing islam as your faith, this is a materialistic world what matters if after you dead. So what if youre being discriminated, you can stand up, so go on, it does change social standings, but then again, its the materialistic world at the end its pretty much the same.
Women in islam is also being talked about. Officially, the Al-Qur'an allows a muslim man to have more than one wife, 4 is max infact for infertility reason...and as long as the man looks after them equally. Why do women in Islam is wearing a dress like Ninja? well the reason is apparently, we men (and most human) leaves marks on women, like marks from marriage etc. So why do women seems so weak, why are they praying behind the men? because we men are supposed to protect women, we should put our lives for women. Al Qur'an also explained, God created Adam, then God created Eve (Hawa) by taking a rib out of Adam's chest.
I dont feel Islam as a political system or ideology, it shouldnt be. A government can be influenced by a certain faith, yes we have to spread the teaching of Islam, but its also people's own choice not to adopt it. There are things that Islam might encourage, allows or forbids and that people cant go on with it, say population control, resource management etc etc. So it might not apply to everyone or suits their condition.
I'm looking at Islam in my own personal view, to me, i see it as a way to discipline myself, i have to be hard on myself because if someones being hard on me it wont be as hard ;]. But most of all, if theres a reason to put my faith, it has to be for God...i've doubted God before, now i'm going back to the path. I've officially stop on alcoholic drinks and try to avoid anything with pig product.
Anyway, I shall re-learn the praying and post up an article about pig product - why we try to avoid it. Until then, may God bless you all...
Is God real, is religion a waste of time?
I'd like to say, God is real, but how do we know?
How can we believe something we can't see?
I thought of that too my friends.
My friend, once lectured me about faith and Islam in which i was struck by lightning with nearly every sentence he said,
"You can't see God with eyes full of sin, who are you who has no faith in God, is able to see God? You cant go and find something, when you are actually growing apart from it, instead, grow closer, pray and ask for guidance."
Is God real? the evidence is right infront of your eyes, think about it this way, you have a program in your computer, called a software. Softwares dont exist just like that, people make those softwares and they work accordingly to what theyre suppose to. This software is like our planet.
Something has a creator, right now human can make things because we have the knowledge, science and scientists, labs, research. Human can biologically create other living things, but hey, like cooking, where do you get the ingredients from? they dont just show in your fridge and cupboard.
the Qur'an (Koran) reveals everything, it's got all the evidence, the literature explains about big bang theory, even up to the conflict in Gaza.
Muhammad is the last prophet, because he was succesful in (continuing) development of Islam, prior to that the other prophets some have failed. Like i think it was Moses who ended up developing Judaism etc etc.
God is fair, if you think you're having a shit time, you'd then pray, you dont pray for better, you thank God for what you've been given. Because God will soon give you a better luck, its the x factor in my opinion. On the other hand, when there's up there's down, when you have everything, you have everything to lose.
You can just put your hands up and beg to God for stuff, that's just not gonna happen, without your own effort, you wont get anything. God will, (insya Allah) give you strength to continue in what you're trying to achieve. Remember to always thank God for whatever at the end of the day. Because God is everywhere with the Angels on your shoulder, writing down all your deeds, bad and good.
I, personally now pray everyday, just before I leave to Uni - for my safety on the way there, for my mind and inner strength in classes and lectures, for my way back home and before, during and after reviewing day;s work. I thank God at the end of the day, everytime when i lay down on my bed just before i go to sleep.
Socially, it hurts me, especially in a non Muslim dominant country Australia. Even if only a few, it still hurts me when Islam is portrayed in a negative way. Will's article about religion dont kill people, touches my heart...there's so many positive things about religion, but how come only the negatives that's being portrayed...?
There are people who misused, using the name of religion to do harmful stuff, in Islam we do not encourage negative things. the 5 pillars of islam:
- Shahadah: God is one
- Salah: Pray to God
- Zakat: Help and share wealth - the practice of giving based on accumulated wealth, and is obligatory for all Muslims who can afford it. A fixed portion is spent to help the poor or needy, and also to assist the spread of Islam
- Sawm: Fasting in the month of Ramadhan - dont eat or drink from dusk to dawn also other sinful things, emotionally too, like swearing etc. This way you feel closer to God, and thanking him with what you have and helps you feel what the poor and needy experiences.
- Hajj: Pilgrimage to Mecca, if muslims can afford it at least once in their lifetime.
I dont see any killings and violence in those pillars...I see them as disciplines, socially, Muslim may not have good image at the moment, but never...ever...bring religion and faith into any other topic.
I learnt, in my social study last year (modern australian society) we had a few muslims in my class, and we were asked the question: 'if you;re a female muslim, dress in a muslim dressing code and were stopped by a cop and you got an unfair treatment because the officer discriminate you, how would you feel?'
The initial thought I had was, 'why the f*** would the officer, screw it, ANYONE in general would bring religion in the first f***ing place? Religion and faith is a business between YOU AND YOUR GOD it does not concern any one else!!!'
well obviously i cant say that bluntly, so i just said, why would you be afraid, you;ve done nothing wrong in choosing islam as your faith, this is a materialistic world what matters if after you dead. So what if youre being discriminated, you can stand up, so go on, it does change social standings, but then again, its the materialistic world at the end its pretty much the same.
Women in islam is also being talked about. Officially, the Al-Qur'an allows a muslim man to have more than one wife, 4 is max infact for infertility reason...and as long as the man looks after them equally. Why do women in Islam is wearing a dress like Ninja? well the reason is apparently, we men (and most human) leaves marks on women, like marks from marriage etc. So why do women seems so weak, why are they praying behind the men? because we men are supposed to protect women, we should put our lives for women. Al Qur'an also explained, God created Adam, then God created Eve (Hawa) by taking a rib out of Adam's chest.
I dont feel Islam as a political system or ideology, it shouldnt be. A government can be influenced by a certain faith, yes we have to spread the teaching of Islam, but its also people's own choice not to adopt it. There are things that Islam might encourage, allows or forbids and that people cant go on with it, say population control, resource management etc etc. So it might not apply to everyone or suits their condition.
I'm looking at Islam in my own personal view, to me, i see it as a way to discipline myself, i have to be hard on myself because if someones being hard on me it wont be as hard ;]. But most of all, if theres a reason to put my faith, it has to be for God...i've doubted God before, now i'm going back to the path. I've officially stop on alcoholic drinks and try to avoid anything with pig product.
Anyway, I shall re-learn the praying and post up an article about pig product - why we try to avoid it. Until then, may God bless you all...
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Health
ok, what that was maybe...maybe...what i suspected is happening to me.
remember when i said i was vomitting?
well it continued on for the next few days, we went to a mall and once we arrived we had dinner, i didnt have the apetite for a full meal so i bought a crepe, while my friends had KFC and chicken steak. The crepe i had was relatively small, only had peanut butter and choc chips in it and i didnt even finish it. My friend couldnt finish the steak so i had a bite or two, but suddenly...the nausea came back, i took a few sips of my friend's drink and i held the empty paper cup in front of me...then it came, i vomitted again...i rushed up and looked for the bin and chuck the cup in there. when i came back one of my friend asked
'whats wrong? why are you so teary? are you sick?'
then i told her i vomitted, she then asked if i want to go to toilet while pointing at the direction.
so i rushed again as another round of vomit came out and i held it in my mouth. Inside the toilet, i vomitted everything i had in my stomach, after a few minutes and a good 3-4 rounds of spewing, i came out and my friend waited outside the toilet...walked a few pace and then it came again... another 3-4 rounds again...i probably spent more time spewing than an average person would take a number 2.
When i came out, my friend who waited had bought me a bottle of mineral water, how nice of her ^^.
Well she told me that i may have stomach disorder, specifically acid indisgestion - when theres too much acid in your stomach [sakit maag euy...] I said maybe its just a flu/cold symptom which at the point where it felt like a seasick sensation. look here if you done understand - http://www.expat.or.id/medical/masukangin.html
so, once we got back with the other guys, they sort of asked me if i want to go home, i said nah, this might be the only time we'd go out by ourselves, at least for a while. They suspect i might catch the cold because of the 45 minutes scooter ride to get to the mall =.=" which i admit, i quite enjoyed the thrill...hehez. So we regroup and i said i cant hang around food scent or else i will trigger the spew sensation again...so we moved on and we walked for quite a bit. We decided to go karaoke-ing after meeting up with another friend [and his girlfriend]. We met up and to went karaokeing. I actually took another cup when we left the food court just in case and took it into the karaoke place, which i didnt get to use it. I felt quite fine, i even had a fried prawn while we sang. I sang well, scored 99 in wonderwall xD. the eight of us had a blast for 2 hours. So, we got hungry again after singing our heart out. As we throlled across the outdoor food court, i got kinda paranoid, i thought to myself
'dont make a scene, just hold it in...' i felt i had it coming in my gut.
so we sat outside, with about 100 restaurants around us, and about 10 of the waiters from different restaurants waiting for us to order. I didnt order food, so i order coconut drink, straight from the shell [thats how we do it in indo, natural not canned] there was a live band, pretty relaxing too, but then it started to drizzle, the other guys decided to move into one of the restaurant and eat there, but i stayed outside with tommy [the friend that we waited for before karaoke] I knew i cant sit with food around me, and my friends understood that. So the two of us just sat outside and chatted through the night. Said coconut is good to neutralise foreign or poison in the system.
I told my dad and my uncle what happened, my uncle asked,
'did you see yellow stuff in your vomit?' i said yes.
he had confirmed that i had acid indisgestion - as my friend had said.
We just bought some pharmacy medicines, did me alright i guess. i still vomit quite a bit after that, even at the airport before we check in, i vomitted a mouthful. I was worried how i was going to hold up on the plane for the whole night...
on the plane i had stomachache, i ate the food with a fear of throwing up, but i was hungry enough to ate the main meal. We arrived friday morning, my first lunch meal in melbourne, i didnt finish, i was gastrous and was at the verge of throwing up, so i quit. Once i arrived, I felt, my body is here physically, but i felt but soul still lagging behind, maybe because the fact that once i arrived, my holidays are over, all 4 months of it and what lies ahead are full year of work and uni commitment. Which up until now, i still feel all not geled up together yet. The sunday, couple of days after i arrived, i fainted. I was watching the tv then stood up, my dad said something from the kitchen, i touched my cat which was sitting nicely on the back of the chair then everything gone blank. I could feel my face hit something, which i thought straightaway
'carpet, feel like i just hit the carpet' right next to my right eye.
then i heard my dad yelling out my name.
when i had regained my vision, i saw panic in my dad's face and i was in his arms and partially on the ground. I stood up straightaway, i didnt want to worry him and i said i was fine.
he said i was unconcious and he thought its because i hit my hit on the edge of the threadmill and he also said i'm bleeding. I didnt let him know that i was already unconcious before i hit the ground. So i went to the mirror to look at my cut, which wasnt really a cut, just few scratches on my eyebrow and red mark on the side of my right eye, which i thought straightaway,
'man i look bad as!'
This blurred/lost in vision, i've had since i was little, when i wake up from sleep, and get out of the bed to stand up, my field if vision gets smaller with black around it, when i stand up from sitting position after watching the tv, usually when i stand up after being 'inactive'. I did think it's just blood rushing to the head. And i usually walk with my hand out, trying to feel where the wall is, but my vision come back clear after a few seconds. And fainting or blacking out, was my first time and it kinda scared me.
You know when you were a little kid, you thought you were immune to everything and you have this high self confidence...? all those previous years i have thought so, i ate whatever, even anything i didnt feel like, i take alcohols, i take panadols to the point where i think i'm already immune to it, all sort of activities, sports etc etc. Now i feel like i'm not as 'strong' as i used to be, and that kinda put me down mentally...
until then...ciao.
remember when i said i was vomitting?
well it continued on for the next few days, we went to a mall and once we arrived we had dinner, i didnt have the apetite for a full meal so i bought a crepe, while my friends had KFC and chicken steak. The crepe i had was relatively small, only had peanut butter and choc chips in it and i didnt even finish it. My friend couldnt finish the steak so i had a bite or two, but suddenly...the nausea came back, i took a few sips of my friend's drink and i held the empty paper cup in front of me...then it came, i vomitted again...i rushed up and looked for the bin and chuck the cup in there. when i came back one of my friend asked
'whats wrong? why are you so teary? are you sick?'
then i told her i vomitted, she then asked if i want to go to toilet while pointing at the direction.
so i rushed again as another round of vomit came out and i held it in my mouth. Inside the toilet, i vomitted everything i had in my stomach, after a few minutes and a good 3-4 rounds of spewing, i came out and my friend waited outside the toilet...walked a few pace and then it came again... another 3-4 rounds again...i probably spent more time spewing than an average person would take a number 2.
When i came out, my friend who waited had bought me a bottle of mineral water, how nice of her ^^.
Well she told me that i may have stomach disorder, specifically acid indisgestion - when theres too much acid in your stomach [sakit maag euy...] I said maybe its just a flu/cold symptom which at the point where it felt like a seasick sensation. look here if you done understand - http://www.expat.or.id/medical/masukangin.html
so, once we got back with the other guys, they sort of asked me if i want to go home, i said nah, this might be the only time we'd go out by ourselves, at least for a while. They suspect i might catch the cold because of the 45 minutes scooter ride to get to the mall =.=" which i admit, i quite enjoyed the thrill...hehez. So we regroup and i said i cant hang around food scent or else i will trigger the spew sensation again...so we moved on and we walked for quite a bit. We decided to go karaoke-ing after meeting up with another friend [and his girlfriend]. We met up and to went karaokeing. I actually took another cup when we left the food court just in case and took it into the karaoke place, which i didnt get to use it. I felt quite fine, i even had a fried prawn while we sang. I sang well, scored 99 in wonderwall xD. the eight of us had a blast for 2 hours. So, we got hungry again after singing our heart out. As we throlled across the outdoor food court, i got kinda paranoid, i thought to myself
'dont make a scene, just hold it in...' i felt i had it coming in my gut.
so we sat outside, with about 100 restaurants around us, and about 10 of the waiters from different restaurants waiting for us to order. I didnt order food, so i order coconut drink, straight from the shell [thats how we do it in indo, natural not canned] there was a live band, pretty relaxing too, but then it started to drizzle, the other guys decided to move into one of the restaurant and eat there, but i stayed outside with tommy [the friend that we waited for before karaoke] I knew i cant sit with food around me, and my friends understood that. So the two of us just sat outside and chatted through the night. Said coconut is good to neutralise foreign or poison in the system.
I told my dad and my uncle what happened, my uncle asked,
'did you see yellow stuff in your vomit?' i said yes.
he had confirmed that i had acid indisgestion - as my friend had said.
We just bought some pharmacy medicines, did me alright i guess. i still vomit quite a bit after that, even at the airport before we check in, i vomitted a mouthful. I was worried how i was going to hold up on the plane for the whole night...
on the plane i had stomachache, i ate the food with a fear of throwing up, but i was hungry enough to ate the main meal. We arrived friday morning, my first lunch meal in melbourne, i didnt finish, i was gastrous and was at the verge of throwing up, so i quit. Once i arrived, I felt, my body is here physically, but i felt but soul still lagging behind, maybe because the fact that once i arrived, my holidays are over, all 4 months of it and what lies ahead are full year of work and uni commitment. Which up until now, i still feel all not geled up together yet. The sunday, couple of days after i arrived, i fainted. I was watching the tv then stood up, my dad said something from the kitchen, i touched my cat which was sitting nicely on the back of the chair then everything gone blank. I could feel my face hit something, which i thought straightaway
'carpet, feel like i just hit the carpet' right next to my right eye.
then i heard my dad yelling out my name.
when i had regained my vision, i saw panic in my dad's face and i was in his arms and partially on the ground. I stood up straightaway, i didnt want to worry him and i said i was fine.
he said i was unconcious and he thought its because i hit my hit on the edge of the threadmill and he also said i'm bleeding. I didnt let him know that i was already unconcious before i hit the ground. So i went to the mirror to look at my cut, which wasnt really a cut, just few scratches on my eyebrow and red mark on the side of my right eye, which i thought straightaway,
'man i look bad as!'
This blurred/lost in vision, i've had since i was little, when i wake up from sleep, and get out of the bed to stand up, my field if vision gets smaller with black around it, when i stand up from sitting position after watching the tv, usually when i stand up after being 'inactive'. I did think it's just blood rushing to the head. And i usually walk with my hand out, trying to feel where the wall is, but my vision come back clear after a few seconds. And fainting or blacking out, was my first time and it kinda scared me.
You know when you were a little kid, you thought you were immune to everything and you have this high self confidence...? all those previous years i have thought so, i ate whatever, even anything i didnt feel like, i take alcohols, i take panadols to the point where i think i'm already immune to it, all sort of activities, sports etc etc. Now i feel like i'm not as 'strong' as i used to be, and that kinda put me down mentally...
until then...ciao.
Orthostatic hypotension
Orthostatic hypotension (also known as postural hypotension[1], and, colloquially, as head rush or a dizzy spell) is a form of hypotension in which there is a sudden (less than 3 minutes) fall in blood pressure, typically greater than 20/10 mm Hg,[2] that occurs when a person assumes a standing position, usually after a prolonged period of rest.
The incidence increases with age.[3]
Symptoms
Symptoms, which generally occur after sudden standing, include dizziness, lightheadedness, headache, blurred or dimmed vision (possibly to the point of momentary blindness), generalized (or extremity) numbness/tingling and fainting, coat hanger pain (pain centered in the neck and shoulders), and in rare, extreme cases, vasovagal syncope. They are consequences of insufficient blood pressure and cerebral perfusion (blood supply).
uh oh.....I'm in trouble....
Sunday, March 1, 2009
is home where the heart is? ch.2
....
A couple of days before I went to the city where i was born, Bandung, we got hit by a news that my uncle (my dad's younger sister's husband=brother in law) passed away...from sickness. The news he was sick wasnt new to us, at least for a few years. He was an ex military doctor and surgeon. My dad and his younger brother went to bandund that day, I couldnt go because it was too sudden and I hadn't prepare as when I was told, i had just woken up...
So I went to Bandung for the first time in 6 years, I met up with my granmothers for the first time. I stayed with my faternal granmother for the first night, it was kinda hard for us to communicate with her because of her hearing. She lives with one of her grandaughter and which during the morning she'd go to school and comeback later in the afternoon, so my grandmother would spend most of the day by herself, well she does have caretakers, but yeah...my faternal grandfather is long gone, i cant even remember when was the last time i saw him. Must've been ages ago? In her house, we saw lots of pictures...back when the family as close we ever been. When I told her i'd be staying at my other gran's place and leaving day after...she disappointed to only see us for a little while after a long absence.
The next night, I stayed at my maternal grandmother's place. The house is now waaaaay different than before. She doesnt live by herself, because my aunt and her son lives there and so is one of my uncle. She also provides a place for a guy that was a victim to the 'mini tsunami' not long ago. It was kinda sad though, first I rang them up earlier on the day, my aunt didnt recognise me until i said i was my mum's son...then when i walked in, my gran didnt recognise me too. After she realised...she had tears in her eyes...i kinda understand, only a year ago, a couple of days before i graduated from high school, a couple of night before presentation evening as i had invited my mum to come along, my grandfather passed away, I havent seen him since the last time i saw him 6 years earlier. After i told her the same thing, she kinda had the same reaction too about me leaving bandung and indo again...
So hey, I met up with Mr. Adriano while i was in bandung, looking healthy and sleek as always ;]. Met up with a couple of his friends, they're good people and we had dinner. Texted Quang, and he hasnt save Will's number and dont know who i was, wtf...anywayz. My sundanese is really bad, i needed to refresh.
I came back to Jakarta, knowing I will miss Bandung, cihampelas [which has gone through a lot of changes...] and knowing that I didnt get to go around much...i still want the foooooooodddd!
A day after I came back, the posse came around again and chilled, played uno and all that. After they went home, i had nasi goreng and felt this headache going on in my head, big massive headache on all of the sudden. The next day, i thought i had the flu, until i lost appetite for food and vommitted a few times. I had to cancel our plan to go convoying on scooters to a mall on the sunday as the night before i was ommitted to the hospital and had blood sample taken which the result came out as that virus. This is when i thought my faith to God is being tested, before i went to the hospital, i was paranoid, i thought the headache was brain tumour, i thought the fever was typhoid fever, i thought my days were over. Yet, i managed to live on, abit longer, hopefully.
....
A couple of days before I went to the city where i was born, Bandung, we got hit by a news that my uncle (my dad's younger sister's husband=brother in law) passed away...from sickness. The news he was sick wasnt new to us, at least for a few years. He was an ex military doctor and surgeon. My dad and his younger brother went to bandund that day, I couldnt go because it was too sudden and I hadn't prepare as when I was told, i had just woken up...
So I went to Bandung for the first time in 6 years, I met up with my granmothers for the first time. I stayed with my faternal granmother for the first night, it was kinda hard for us to communicate with her because of her hearing. She lives with one of her grandaughter and which during the morning she'd go to school and comeback later in the afternoon, so my grandmother would spend most of the day by herself, well she does have caretakers, but yeah...my faternal grandfather is long gone, i cant even remember when was the last time i saw him. Must've been ages ago? In her house, we saw lots of pictures...back when the family as close we ever been. When I told her i'd be staying at my other gran's place and leaving day after...she disappointed to only see us for a little while after a long absence.
The next night, I stayed at my maternal grandmother's place. The house is now waaaaay different than before. She doesnt live by herself, because my aunt and her son lives there and so is one of my uncle. She also provides a place for a guy that was a victim to the 'mini tsunami' not long ago. It was kinda sad though, first I rang them up earlier on the day, my aunt didnt recognise me until i said i was my mum's son...then when i walked in, my gran didnt recognise me too. After she realised...she had tears in her eyes...i kinda understand, only a year ago, a couple of days before i graduated from high school, a couple of night before presentation evening as i had invited my mum to come along, my grandfather passed away, I havent seen him since the last time i saw him 6 years earlier. After i told her the same thing, she kinda had the same reaction too about me leaving bandung and indo again...
So hey, I met up with Mr. Adriano while i was in bandung, looking healthy and sleek as always ;]. Met up with a couple of his friends, they're good people and we had dinner. Texted Quang, and he hasnt save Will's number and dont know who i was, wtf...anywayz. My sundanese is really bad, i needed to refresh.
I came back to Jakarta, knowing I will miss Bandung, cihampelas [which has gone through a lot of changes...] and knowing that I didnt get to go around much...i still want the foooooooodddd!
A day after I came back, the posse came around again and chilled, played uno and all that. After they went home, i had nasi goreng and felt this headache going on in my head, big massive headache on all of the sudden. The next day, i thought i had the flu, until i lost appetite for food and vommitted a few times. I had to cancel our plan to go convoying on scooters to a mall on the sunday as the night before i was ommitted to the hospital and had blood sample taken which the result came out as that virus. This is when i thought my faith to God is being tested, before i went to the hospital, i was paranoid, i thought the headache was brain tumour, i thought the fever was typhoid fever, i thought my days were over. Yet, i managed to live on, abit longer, hopefully.
....
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
is home where the heart is?
So here I am back in Melbourne...
I must say though, I did say I didnt quite like it there at first, I kinda gotten used to it, so much that I started to think about moving back there...
It's just that living is so much easier compare to Melbourne, things are cheap, food are easy to get, hell man they have mcdonalds delivery! 24hour!!!!! and KFC too!!! FAR OUT!
Traffic is another thing though, although it's such a frustrating thing, short distance can take you hours on the street. I swear, in Melbourne trips takes longer because of the distance, in Jakarta, trips takes longer because of the traffic jam usually on rush hour and weekends.
Jakarta might not have the convenience of train and trams, but everything is so localised, food, shops, malls all in reach. Even friends, its so much easier to organise a gathering at my house because they all live nearby and have scooters to travel with.
At some point, I hated being there, at night, i got so bored because i had nothing to do beside watch soapies on tv (sinetron), and barely any internet, which i actually spend hours in uploading all the photos off my phone...which failed a few times after i waited for that long hours...thats because i only had dial up connection (maybe shittier than dial up...) so i just spent the nights away playing FM...
One thing I notice about soccer in Indonesia is that theyre such fanatics. English, Italian, Spanish, even Dutch and German leagues are covered, way more than in Australia who focuses more on English and Domestic A league, that too, live matches only covered mostly by pay tv Foxtel. Unlike that, I found about 14 free network tv and about 5 covers soccer matches. Although, soccer in Indonesia tend to focus more on the top 4, from the leagues mentioned, a little about outside top 4 unless the top 4 teams played a match against them (even more if the top 4 lost...) I found that abit unfair...
Security is also a negative too, these days you always have to have your vehicle registration with you. Security officers checks your car everytime you take the parking ticket to enter malls. Before you enter the mall they also make you go through metal detector. Kinda scary too huh?
But as I said, its so easy to make networks and connections. My dad, as far as i concern, has 100 times more connections than in australia. Anything he need, just a phone call away, where, who and how much most of the times. Things that are not illegal of course...like electronic stuff, phones, stereo, appliances...
One more setback is when I caught a virus...dont worry, I used Norton anti virus, no duh. I did, first it was normal then i had nausea and massive headache on all of the sudden...next day i know i was sick and i had fever. then followed by vomitting, i thought maybe i had another food poisoning. So that night i was taken to the hospital and took a blood sample. I went home while my dad waited for the result. He came home and brought the news, virus, the doctor (or physician) said, funny that I'm 20 years old and not immune to this virus, my father then said well he's ben living in australia for the last 6-7 years. So everyone in indonesia pretty much already immune to this virus, except me. Here i thought, I've been away too long, long enough to lose to my own nature.
You dont feel it until you lost it, in this case, when you have a great distance and time seperating you...All this time, I forgot where I came from, no one could change it, not even me, I havent taken australian citizenship yet, now i'm kinda thinking maybe I shouldnt. What goes up must come down, I probably should go back to jakarta and get a job there. It feels like such a burden seeing my dad working so hard for living though its nearing his retirement time. He did say its much easier to live in Jakarta compare to here, cost wise...before, i would disagree with him, but this time, I cant say i still disagree with him.
I've learnt alot, especially about faith, i've lost my way of life. Religion is so strong in Indonesia, i must say, i have to pick islam up again. Its not because of social or peer pressure or anything, its just for spiritual and mental serenity and tranquility, and most of all, for God...theres plenty of good reason actually, like restricting self from temptations.
there's plenty to write about, i'll continue later, i gotta book my timetable nowz.
I must say though, I did say I didnt quite like it there at first, I kinda gotten used to it, so much that I started to think about moving back there...
It's just that living is so much easier compare to Melbourne, things are cheap, food are easy to get, hell man they have mcdonalds delivery! 24hour!!!!! and KFC too!!! FAR OUT!
Traffic is another thing though, although it's such a frustrating thing, short distance can take you hours on the street. I swear, in Melbourne trips takes longer because of the distance, in Jakarta, trips takes longer because of the traffic jam usually on rush hour and weekends.
Jakarta might not have the convenience of train and trams, but everything is so localised, food, shops, malls all in reach. Even friends, its so much easier to organise a gathering at my house because they all live nearby and have scooters to travel with.
At some point, I hated being there, at night, i got so bored because i had nothing to do beside watch soapies on tv (sinetron), and barely any internet, which i actually spend hours in uploading all the photos off my phone...which failed a few times after i waited for that long hours...thats because i only had dial up connection (maybe shittier than dial up...) so i just spent the nights away playing FM...
One thing I notice about soccer in Indonesia is that theyre such fanatics. English, Italian, Spanish, even Dutch and German leagues are covered, way more than in Australia who focuses more on English and Domestic A league, that too, live matches only covered mostly by pay tv Foxtel. Unlike that, I found about 14 free network tv and about 5 covers soccer matches. Although, soccer in Indonesia tend to focus more on the top 4, from the leagues mentioned, a little about outside top 4 unless the top 4 teams played a match against them (even more if the top 4 lost...) I found that abit unfair...
Security is also a negative too, these days you always have to have your vehicle registration with you. Security officers checks your car everytime you take the parking ticket to enter malls. Before you enter the mall they also make you go through metal detector. Kinda scary too huh?
But as I said, its so easy to make networks and connections. My dad, as far as i concern, has 100 times more connections than in australia. Anything he need, just a phone call away, where, who and how much most of the times. Things that are not illegal of course...like electronic stuff, phones, stereo, appliances...
One more setback is when I caught a virus...dont worry, I used Norton anti virus, no duh. I did, first it was normal then i had nausea and massive headache on all of the sudden...next day i know i was sick and i had fever. then followed by vomitting, i thought maybe i had another food poisoning. So that night i was taken to the hospital and took a blood sample. I went home while my dad waited for the result. He came home and brought the news, virus, the doctor (or physician) said, funny that I'm 20 years old and not immune to this virus, my father then said well he's ben living in australia for the last 6-7 years. So everyone in indonesia pretty much already immune to this virus, except me. Here i thought, I've been away too long, long enough to lose to my own nature.
You dont feel it until you lost it, in this case, when you have a great distance and time seperating you...All this time, I forgot where I came from, no one could change it, not even me, I havent taken australian citizenship yet, now i'm kinda thinking maybe I shouldnt. What goes up must come down, I probably should go back to jakarta and get a job there. It feels like such a burden seeing my dad working so hard for living though its nearing his retirement time. He did say its much easier to live in Jakarta compare to here, cost wise...before, i would disagree with him, but this time, I cant say i still disagree with him.
I've learnt alot, especially about faith, i've lost my way of life. Religion is so strong in Indonesia, i must say, i have to pick islam up again. Its not because of social or peer pressure or anything, its just for spiritual and mental serenity and tranquility, and most of all, for God...theres plenty of good reason actually, like restricting self from temptations.
there's plenty to write about, i'll continue later, i gotta book my timetable nowz.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
lens
so here i am in jakarta
surprisingly it isnt as hot as i thought it would be, but still, pretty humid during the day (and night)
but it rains alot huh, i see floods everywhere on the news.
i can tell i wont last long here, because, man traffic is such a state here, plus, reckless drivers everywhere, they dont drive on lanes, blurry traffic markers too rarrl, scooters everywhere, really frustrating and scary at the same time when you drive a car. plus, i have no idea about getting to places using bus way and other public transport.
internet is shit house,, i'm using dial up that dc every..2 seconds, and slow as a granny on another granny. i'm getting things done bit by bit though on another note.
just last night my friends all gather here in my crib, about 15 of them, so many i thought of charging them parking fee for their scooters but i cant do that can i?, and we had food and lots of photos sesh nyahahah ah wellz i missed so much, as much as i miss aussie life now... i wanna go back quick. nak pengsan awak.
ah wellz, my friends are organising more hanging out sesh this week and next week. then i have to go to bandung and see will then hopefully back to aus no later than feb 7th. I really really really hope so....i gak betah lah disini nyo
until then...
surprisingly it isnt as hot as i thought it would be, but still, pretty humid during the day (and night)
but it rains alot huh, i see floods everywhere on the news.
i can tell i wont last long here, because, man traffic is such a state here, plus, reckless drivers everywhere, they dont drive on lanes, blurry traffic markers too rarrl, scooters everywhere, really frustrating and scary at the same time when you drive a car. plus, i have no idea about getting to places using bus way and other public transport.
internet is shit house,, i'm using dial up that dc every..2 seconds, and slow as a granny on another granny. i'm getting things done bit by bit though on another note.
just last night my friends all gather here in my crib, about 15 of them, so many i thought of charging them parking fee for their scooters but i cant do that can i?, and we had food and lots of photos sesh nyahahah ah wellz i missed so much, as much as i miss aussie life now... i wanna go back quick. nak pengsan awak.
ah wellz, my friends are organising more hanging out sesh this week and next week. then i have to go to bandung and see will then hopefully back to aus no later than feb 7th. I really really really hope so....i gak betah lah disini nyo
until then...
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