Morning's First

Good news,

this morning marks the first ever, since i move to murrumbeena, since i started taking the morning peak hour train, since say, october, I GOT A SEAT! FOR ME! JUST ME AND MY ARSE! A SEAT AT 8.30am MONDAY MORNING PEAK HOUR TIME! FOR THE WHOLE TRIP!

Probably the first and last time.

3 lectures today, Modern Society: It was about Australian and Un-Australian. I dont remember much, but i picked up a good point, the world Un-Australian is actually Un-Australian, it is adapted from the Americans' Un-American. Also how the world Un-Australian is increasingly mentioned in newspaper, from about 68 per week in 1995 to about 570 in 2005. Amazing.

Urm, Politics, we talked about Indigenous Australians etc etc.

Environmental: uumm....oh Human evolution, how human evolve from chimp to whatever you look at yourself in the mirror. Then we watched a funky movie about the evolution in society back when human were....well chimps.

One thing i noticed, lectures in uni are pretty relax, in Society and Politics, the lecturer actually played a song as an example.

Anyway, the last was Environmental Tutor, which, we got into groups, i was with 4 other ladies, cause i'm a stud....

And we were dismissed after only halfway through. Way early, I dont mind, there wasnt much to talk about. Anyway, Society homework due tomorrow then Sustainability homework on wednesday. Yeorp, Busy week.

health update: i had bad stomachache for most of the day, and i took a caffeine pill just as i arrived in the first lecture but about an hour and half during my two hours break, i fell asleep...i just couldnt wait to get home. i felt like shit.

ciao

Who is Fari?

Fari has his own little world shared with his own little people inside his head. Somehow he doesnt feel lonelt when he is alone, but always do when he is in a crowd, you might see him as a moody person, but somehow its not like that at all. Its part of his extra sensitiveness. Its like a roller coaster, you want to laugh tat the same time you feel like crying. He sees the world as a dull yet fascinating place, then suddenly its...busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy…….oh so fucked up! then it'll take some extra effort to posses that little world again.

Hello, I am Fari, where are you guys?

Homework

GAH! Why isnt the online learning HUB working when i need to do my homework!!!!!!!!!!

Check list:
Understanding of sustainability article for Modern Society and find claims(tuesday)
Water, gas, electricity bills for Ecological footprint homework for Sustainability (wednesday)
Research on Murray Darling Basin Political issues for Politics(thursday)
Read a massive amount of weekly readings for Environment.(monday)

i sent an email to jenny and sally, but not really expecting a reply until tomorrow, when i can see them. so plan b is to actually when i get to see them tomorrow and tell them i need the articles so that they can send it to me when they get home.

Why shit happens just the time when i have the wants to do some work?

Illness update

I slept well last night. In my sleep, I thought i might've been bitten by a spider or some other sort.

When I woke up, I was kinda dissapointed, I thought I'd turn into spiderman, or at least something that will give me superhero power. I didnt.

I dont feel like going out tonight.

Reason why I join Oaktree

First, Ashley told me about it.

But not before when they were at RMIT in their stall, I saw, 'Hey oaktree, Ng told me about this.'
Then I saw the chick that was attending the stall was mega hot, i couldnt stop staring when me and sally were talking to her.

I guess then Sally dragged me a bit further.

Dont worry, I've asked myself a few times, What have I got myself into?

illness

I think i might have come down with an illness.

On the way to Uni today, I was standing (as usual) on the train. It wasnt full, because i caught it just after peak hour at 9.30am. After about 5 stations, I started to feel as if i was going to vomit. Then passed the next station, my legs started to shook, and a bit later my knees started to lose tension. Then suddenly my head started to feel so hot and i started to feel sweat on my back, eventhough it was so cold even on the train. Then just before we reach Richmond, my vision started to blur out and around my sight, started to fade to black. My face might've looked pale, but i decided to use all my strength to start walking out after the train stopped at richmond hoping the bench wasnt too far from the door. (of course I dont want to be embarrassed by falling unconcious in front of many people, I mean, i catch the same train often)

In a matter of seconds, all my energy has been drained out of my body.

I felt numb as I walked out straight onto the bench. I sat down, took a bottle of water out of my bag and took a big sip. Under my beanie, i could felt my sweat soaking my hair. I didnt have headache, but more like my head was 'floating'. The cold air felt so soothing, for some reason i felt so hot when i was on the train. Then I thought, should i go back home and just rest it out?

Maybe I just didnt eat properly, so I decided to catch the next train and buy a slice of pizza. Well I made it alive for the rest of the day and back.

I felt i didnt want to go to Oaktree's Induction day (which started at 9.30am). I went to my Politics class and got some useful info about our assignments:
-Group presentation, each member have to have their own written materials.
-Essay, minimum of 500 words on current Australian Politics issue
Which I decided to make my own topic involving the Murray Darling Basin (the age 27/3/08 front page) and the Tutor say it is an excellent topic.

The class ended at 12.30, but I didnt get to Oaktree until after 2pm, why? because I had lunch and I missed the train to alamein from Camberwell. It wasnt as bad as I thought it'd be, i was the only latecomer (4 hours mind you) and I made several new friends, namely Thi. Our focus is End Child Slavery Campaign for the next few months. So look out you may spot me at your institution in the near future.

Chatbox!

Look check it out, I've got around to put cbox!

no one beside ashley is coming, maybe i should really publish my blog
anyways. I've been accepted to oaktree generate program and will be inducted on thursday starting at 10 am. Now the problem is i've got politic class at 10.30 - 12.30 that I cannot miss! anyway i'll email the guy i'll be coming a tad late!

anyway, I've been looking for this Jdrama called Ienakiko 1&2, which i watched when i was a little kid. It was super sad! like every episode will make you cry!!! anyway its good, and Stoi told me about this site crunchyroll, now it has a pretty good index for kdrama (korean) Jdrama (japanese) and others like thai etc. but still no luck in finding Ienakiko, but i found another Jdrama that i liked, called Tokyo Love Story, but the downside is, they only have 3 episodes. So now I'm gonna go off watch those. later (if you decided to join the site, add me as your buddy! username: phari)

One lie

You come in on your own
and you leave on your own
forget the lovers you've known
and your friends on your own

right now its more like 1 step forward, 20 steps backward. As i recall what makes me write this entry, in fact, what makes me make my own blog?

If only i didnt move out of elwood, I couldve been much closer to my friends. If i got into, say Melb Uni, I couldve been much more closer to my friends. If only I got a higher Enter score, I would got into Melb Uni. If only I studied harder, I would get a better Enter score. If only I chose better subjects that didnt get marked down, if only I'm so good at maths.

I'll go back to curling up under my blanky. see if i feel better tomorrow.

By the way tomorrow's plan is:...stay at home.

When there's upside, there's always the downside

Well, how long have I not been in a committed relationship?

Too long.

(well nearly about two years now)

Anyways, the days when making love just for fun have gone. I figured, when I am with someone, I always keep myself 'clean' as in, i always have the need to make good impressions to the certain girl. Like keeping myself neat (and my room), I feel I have something to look forward when I wake up every morning. Where as in the last couple of years, I have been concentrating on school, now that Uni life is much more flexible, I thought it may be good to be involved in a relationship again. I also figured now all my close friends have their own path, I thought, will I feel lonely on my own path?

Sounds good? it does too. But who? where? why? how?, ok Ignore the middle two, who and how are more like the questions.

Well I HAVE been building something. But just about 24 hours ago, I felt, I have been crushed. The girl that i've been 'working on' simply said, No.

Started off with taking her out to the movie (and paid for her, as i am a gentleman) and ditching studying time and assignments and take her to the melbourne show 07. Back then after that, i thought, well maybe there's actually nothing, so she kinda left my mind for a couple of months. So, just recently I got my hopes up. I was planning to buy toga stuff on a nice sunny saturday afternoon when she said she wanted to go with me, but cant go on the same day. I said OK!

Because she doesnt know where to get the stuff, I gladly took her, she said how about thursday next week?
Urm, okay, thursday i had a plan, to pay for my semester fee and make copies from textbook for Politics subject.

So we met up, and cool, Toro and Kaori came along too, well i guess this is going pretty well. We got the stuff, pretty much matching colour for us 4 (so we could stand out). We went back to Toro's and we tried out on designing the Toga etc. I designed her (and she couldnt stay still and complained now and then)

But the goodside when we were fooling around most of the time, like, splashing water on each other when we were washing the dishes, chucking stress ball at each other, tackling each other etc. So I thought, hey there must be something between us, maybe its still there after long gone.

But at the party, only a few people talked to her with me mainly the one that try to make conversation with her. Say, i tried hard to make her like me. We had our own corner, Toro and Kaori has their own. One time I asked, So, nothing still? she shook her head.
Later on, still nothing.......Whatever, i tried to make her like me but didnt work ok, it may sound wrong to you but whatever.

So we had our own deep conversation at one point of the party, I asked, if she remember all the things that we did, she said Yes.
All the things that I've done for you?
All the sacrifice that I made?
Do you appreciate those?

Still nothing, so then I said, well if there's nothing, I dont know what else to do, and might aswell do nothing at all. I felt like i've wasted my time on you really.

...













She was going home:
She said as I walked pass her "I'm going home"
I replied without even looking at her. "Ok goodbye" and continued walking.


Kaori (her bestfriend) said, maybe you should take things slowly, she has never been with anyone before.

Honestly, I dont know how to go any slower, we've know each other for quite long now.

Maybe I should just give up on her for good. But I'm not the type of person who give up halfway on something I've been working on.

Even if I do, where to after?



(I could be a bachelor for life, like, like...Isaac Newton? Da Vinci (though he was/is rumoured to be a crossdresser) um, Heath Ledger was never married apparently, but he's dead


I'm gonna listen to more Air Supply's All out of love, and go hide under me blanky.

To: Ashley

nope didnt succed, in fact, kinda depressed right now. any other target? unlikely.

You know when you're getting used to your new environment...

....When a good day turned into a bad day in a few seconds.

==================================================

When I woke up today, i thought it'd be a mark of a brand new chapter (sounds kinda corny) as we slowly progressing into a much cooler season. But, nah. Well the plan was to attend a very early lecture at 8.30 am, then 1 midday tute, then pay fee then home then eat then interview. then watch Melbourne victory then sleep. hold on....
Did I say Interview?


More like a............I dont know, I suppose i shall explain. Ashley told me about Oaktree foundation, then I told my friend who has a 'passion' for volunteering, and one of the main thing she focuses on is - poverty. Then she got hooked into the whole applying as volunteer, inviting about 3 of her friends and plus another one that goes to the same course as me and her.


Honestly, I would join the whole volunteering thing, and but the first thing that came in my mind was if it would distract my studying. In high school i hardly had a job because i concentrated everything pretty much on getting through the whole thing. So i felt i kinda got 'forced'. I made my CV just for this, and i got kinda annoyed too. The fact that i found out that the foundation have extended the application time because of the number of applicants.


Tonight was the 'interview' but more like splitting into groups with bunch of other people, we give you scenarios, and pretend as if you're an organiser of a campaign in a school etc etc, what would you do, and another scenario about organising a surprise party for someone who's been overseas for 6 months etc etc. It was kinda, gay, because one of the guy, from the oaktree, on the way home, (we caught the same train, like 20 of us) said that they will select 30-40 applicants. And i figured, man with the extention of the application time etc, there must be at least 100 other people.


"So we're not officially volunteers yet?"

that's what i kept repeating (silently, and also in my head).

I guess who wouldnt know until Sunday, which sunday it is, I dont know.

But whether i get accepted or not, its fine. If i dont get accepted, i'll go back to what i was suppose to be focusing on, study. If i do get accepted, whatevs then.

So thats what happened tonight, well, the major event. Another thing I'd like to bitch about is, the 'friend' that got me into applying into this (not ashley, the new one in RMIT) (but I'd like to call her A)




Okay, for the last 6.5, say 5 years, I never (repeat NEVER) get to hang out, spend most of my days, and weeks (though its only been 3 weeks or so) with an Indonesian girl, (probably this one is a typical indonesian girl). I dont get them oh so muchhhhhhh....



As I said i only known A for a few weeks, but today after the lecture we were at hungry jack's and how she said one of her friend (D) is irritating her, well to sum it up A said her friend (D) is up herself, selfish, me me me, shut up you, me me , i, (her name). Well thats fine, (behind her back i actually said to another friend (B), I dont know about you females but us males we have the ability to pretend to listen)



Then (back to A) lost her USB, she got panicked, she rang me when i got off my train, i said just relax, calm down go back to the computer lab, ask around. Apparently I wasnt the only one (A) rang, she also rang (B) and the Tutor that we had computer lab class with.



Okay, but on our way to Camberwell (where the interview was) half of our trip was her worrying about her files in her USB (visa, pasport stuff etc). To counter her...personality? (D) was there, HA! and What did I do? I sat next to the window with my eyes focusing on the railways...I was at my own happy place.



The next thing she (A) was panicking about was the whole interview. Its normal, just nervousness, well I wasnt nervous, oh well.



Now we're on our way home, she (A) had completely changed to whole different character than we were on the way to Camberwell. (D) was just standing on her own, wasnt trying to socialise to the few people we met. (A) got worried about not getting selected, so she asked some other asian girl (who looked older) about other organisations (said mainly from or around Mel U) and I kinda figured, why (D) wasnt talking, because when i was trying to talk (A) would turn against, or make fun or tell me to shut up or simply ignore me.



Now at this point I've figured, why there's this conflict between (A) and (D), and I will not just directing at the both of them, because sometimes when you think some other person, either someone you just met, or a friend, is doing or being whatever you dont like, then you might aswell be doing the same thing to them? you might aswell be no different to what you think this other person is.



Rewind rewind:

Today at the Tute in the computer lab, a few times (A) weren't responding to my questions.
and not long after the TUTE over, she was panicking about her presentation on Animal Liberation for the Tute she stressed about. I'm doing the same topic, but i'm in different Tute thats on at the same time.

She said, "You need to help me, God made you choose the same topic for you to help me."

Now, either the second half of that statement was a joke or not, after what happened tonight, I would have to reconsider lending her a help.

Okay on a positive note, when we were on the train from camberwell, I ditched these people. I seriously couldnt take anymore of her voice ringing in my head, ear, nose, eyes and ....my toes.

You know how my vision are, virtually, blind, But on the next carriage, i saw a familiar figure. I gave a few wave, then it is confirmed, IT WAS STEVEN!!! GOD!

I didnt say anything i just stormed through the door connecting the carriages i gave him a, not so close hug, and Kani was there, and steven asked "arent you suppose to say something?"




OF COURSE, HAPPY HAPPY! Man even when i got off at richmond i didnt say bye or any gesture to .....not steven etc . I had enough of them for one night and day.


Theres one thing left for me to worry about, getting the weekly reading for politics next week. Where as (A) should've have the consideration of being nice and print me a copy, but NOOO.


Oh well, just like the environment, there are some stuff you just cant rely on other people.

To end the day, my brother picked me up and we had souvlaki on chapel.

To add to my stress, Melbourne victory lost to some thai team. Oh hey whats good to release your stress? stress ball (tried that), ooh i Know! i need to punch someone in the face and i think i have a good reason to do it to Nick scott.
Then I saw ashley's message and how she said she had a bad night. YEP, same here too ash, let's just sleep it off.


Man sooner or later i will either - lose/gain weight, more bags under my eyes, losing my hair, or ending up at a mental hospital in india.

tomorrow's Plan: Pay semester fee (expensive), get stuff for toga (ach), sleep.........................for like 20 hours, I WOULD, then homework, wait that can be done after steven's party. anyway thats all for tonight. fuck.

Another Day

Well, as the title says, today was just another day, pretty much everyday is just another day, what a waste of my youth.

So I had a class today, Modern Australian Society, I've just switched from the class I was before, why? good question, very good. Initially, I had it on Wednesday afternoon, shitty time, 3.30 - 5.30, with two hours break before. Wednesday wasn't a good timetable, first Sustainability lecture starting at 8.30 to 9.30 am, then 2 hours break, then Sustainability Tute, for 1.5 hours, then another two hour break, then the Society tute. Now the society been switched to previously day off Tuesday. Beside, the arvo society class were full of Americans, and tanned chicks, kinda scary too, they all seemed.......social junkies....

So I said to my group of friends (namely: Sally, Genny, and Kai) that I'm switching to the Tuesday class, Sally thought she'll stick with the Americans (as we called it) but the 4 of us had our first, fresh, new, un American (more like 'multiculturally' class) Tuesday afternoon Tute.

And what did she Sally say..................? "I'm staying in this class, I love it" with a thank you at the end after I hinted it purposely.

Okay, looking back, down the memory lane (well from beginning of Uni)

I've got my own little group now, it is me, Sally (an half indo half HK), Genny (from HK) and Kai (China) and just yesterday in the library, just randomly asked me if i was doing Psychology course,
I said nah man,
then she asked weren't you at the Society lecture this morning?
I said yep, oh, I'm doing environments,
then she asked where are you from?
Indonesia
Me too
Really? cool
(start speaking in Indonesian, basic questions like which part of indo, how long been here yada yada yada) Her name is Sizy by the way, sounds funky.

So she kinda switched all her 3 subjects so she can hang around us ('co-incidentally' our group has 3 of the same subjects timetable together)

OKAY here are our subjects:
Environmental Ideas: Thought and Action
Modern Australian Society
Contemporary Australian Politics
and Sustainability: Society and Environment

Well the program is called Environments, but its more into social, it is a social science degree, so, the science isn't much in it.

Sigh, i guess it is all over again, what did i waste my 3.5 months holidays on? its hardwork again!
Essays, assignments, heavy duty my friends! 500, 800, 1000, 1800 words, all there. I'm so looking forward in completing this 3 years. Apparently we're suppose to do a few weeks of work experience before we graduate, guh-rayte.

Before I close it off, I'm suppose to have an interview with the Oaktree Foundation tomorrow. Well its a long story, but I'll make it short. actually, i'll write it on the next post tomorrow, so that at least i have something to whinge about. Now i gotta do my homework of calculating my Ecological footprint, try it yourself here and do some reading....and printing.

later. zzzzzzzz

ps. I hope this post makes sense to you